Kindness: All The Cool Kids Are Doing It

The paradox of selflessness never ceases to amaze me, yet somehow I continually forget that the receiving is in the giving. I was reminded yet again on Memorial Day when I joined Random Acts of Kindness (RAK) as they kicked-off their third year of anonymous, kind-hearted shenanigans.

The über-grassroots crew set up their barebones operation in Central Park’s Strawberry Fields: a folding table, lots of free cookies and a flimsy board smattered with Post-it notes. The stickies hold creative suggestions and inspirational quotes for passersby to take. Some favorites:

1. Blessed are those that can give without remembering and receive without forgetting.

2. Give away something important to you. Right now.

3. Tell a public service employee how valuable they are.

4. Pay for the person behind you in line.

5. Do what you can with what you've got wherever you are.

The loosely organized group of do-gooders meets sporadically and informally to spread the joy of giving, a gift not always readily received. Sadly, the offer of a free cookie from a smiling stranger practically bewilders the average New Yorker. I get it. There was a time when I too would have met a random act of generosity with similar confusion, skepticism and -- though I hate to admit it -- aloofness. Somehow, being nice doesn't always add up to being cool. But mindsets are shifting. Maybe nice is actually cool, or maybe cool doesn't even exist… or maybe being cool doesn't matter. What resonates these days, however, is being nice.

Last week, The New York Times Sunday Styles section chronicled the recent nice upsurge, citing everything from Paul Rudd's "nice guy" as the new leading man to the happy Pepsi campaign, who after years of trying to out-cool its competitor seems to have taken an alternative tack. Being number one at nice is better than being number two at cool. (As I write this, I realize my recent and curious switch from Diet Coke to Diet Pepsi is possibly not inexplicable after all.)

The story also boasts the iconic yellow smiley face, the same smiley face employed by HelpOthers.org, an online community dedicated to anonymous acts of kindness. RAK seemingly works in tandem with HelpOthers and Charity Focus, but the desire for anonymity leaves the association of the three organizations somewhat fuzzy. For RAK in particular, the lack of structure and small-scale gestures helps maintain the accessibility and creates the space for generosity.

"We want people to have the feeling that everyone can do it. It's not associated with an organization, there's no agenda," explains one of RAK founding members. After she and three friends observed the sad state of the world, they decided that rather then feel bad, they would get into the solution and help others feel good. They set out with a table, lemonade and smile cards, courtesy of HelpOthers. "Smile. You've just been tagged! Experiments in Anonymous Kindness is the name of the game, and now -- you're it." They continue to hand out these cards with the hope that their gestures will inspire others to do the same.

Many sped by, some slowed but others stopped -- and that's where the real magic happens. Some spontaneously joined the group. And Deanna Lee Davis, a singer, was so moved she decided to share a song on the spot. The simple offering of a cookie ignited a connection that would likely otherwise not happen. And isn't that what most of us are looking for -- a connection, a conversation, a little eye contact? It's ultimately what we hope to achieve by acting cool. If people like us, then we won't be alone. But maybe I've had it the wrong way around for all these years. As the "cool" kids breezed through the park, mostly straight-faced and alone, the "nice" kids were eating cookies and laughing and having a good old time. I felt more than happy hanging with the nice kids. In fact, I thought they were super cool.