What Would Jesus Bid — On Cross Potatoes

Dennis Bort might not be a believer, but he knows an eBay opportunity when he sees one. On Christmas Day the Brunswick, Ohio police detective and his wife had just returned from vacation and were "trying to scrounge together a Christmas dinner with what wasn't spoiled in our fridge" when he made a discovery that was either potentially miraculous or lucrative, depending on your perspective.

Bort was halving some spuds to make mashed potatoes when he spied a very specific symbol. As he put it, "I said, aw, holy crap, it's a cross," he told The Associated Press.

Rather than get on his knees and pray, Bort listed it on eBay for a cool starting price of $1,000.

"I've seen stories of Jesus in the cheese sandwich and all the other crap, but I don't really know numbers per se," Bort said. "I just slapped (the price) out there."

"There's always a Christmas credit card bill to pay with the holidays, so why not?"

As of publication, Borts' potato has received zero bids so far, probably because of the steep asking price. Bidding ends in four days folks!

Unfortunately for Bort, he's got some competition. Six days after Bort's discovery, Connie and Jim Gross of Marion, Iowa made an eerily similar find in their tater. "Our first reaction was, we don't want to eat it," Jim Gross said.

Instead, they did what most people who find a cross in their potato do: he showed it to his pals in his Jimmy Buffett-style band. They suggested selling it online, to help pay for an equipment trailer. After all, in 2004 online casino Goldenpalace.com spent a jaw-dropping $28,000 for a partially eaten grilled cheese sandwich with the likeness of the Virgin Mary. The next year, it spent $10,600 for a honey-mustard pretzel that some believe is shaped like the Virgin Mary holding baby Jesus. Wow. Holy-something!

"Are you kidding me?" Gross said when told what some sellers made from their discoveries. "Well geez, that'd put some money down for a tour bus."

Unlike Bort, Gross decided to list his potato starting at just two bucks and as of publication, it's gotten 23 bids and is currently up to $76. Bidding ends on Jan. 13th.

So yeah, this is kind of an eBay WTF, but perhaps of a more divine kind.

Photo courtesy of Lumbar via Wikimedia Commons.