Top 10 European Oddities III

Your Tonic trekker started his voyage in Berline where he saw such gems as a "Who Let the Dogs Out?" wall, a cross-dressing Pinocchio and lots of signs that said "Ausfahrt" (it means "exit," which is exactly what people will do if you yell the word in an English-speaking crowd). After compiling these oddities into an ostensibly complete Top 10 list, however, we found additional German ironies like FU Academy, animal horns fashioned for beer drinking and urinating statues -- and decided we needed a second installment. Your Trekker has since traveled to Prague, Budapest, Vienna, Warsaw and several other international cities. Now, so that Germany doesn't feel picked on, we're spreading the wealth with a third installment focusing on other European countries. Let's being round three with the age-old travel question, "Can I drink the water?"

1. Weiner Water: The German name for Vienna is Wein, so if you want to promote your tasty water from the Alps, you call it Weiner Water? I have a million jokes here at my fingertips, but unfortunately none are suitable for Tonic. I mean, the Czechs came up with Budweiser to promote beers from Budweis, so would Weinwiser have killed 'em? I'm just saying, Weinwiser is a lot more likely to touch these lips than Weiner Water.

2. Easy Woman: You want to open a women's clothing store in Budapest where shoppers will have an easy time finding what they want at a good price. Okay, I get that, but do you really think Easy Woman is the right store name? The only thing worse would be if you opened it next to a strip club ... oh wait you did.

3. Rathaus: You don't have to be a language expert to guess that "haus" means "house" in English. So then why did the residents of Vienna name its city hall the Rathaus, a.k.a. the House of Rats? I guess that's not much different than politics -- "poly" meaning many and "tics" a blood-sucking leech.

4. St. Nicholas' Ferraris: I'm over near the Prague Castle having lunch when salesmen in Ferrari shirts park three Ferraris in front of St. Nicholas Cathedral in hopes of promoting their brand in front of a popular -- albeit religious -- tourist attraction. Surprising, I know, because car salesmen usually have more scruples. All I could think was, "You park a car whose price tag could feed a village in front of a cathedral whose cost could feed a country -- wow, Jesus would really love this."

5. Holy Billboard!: Speaking of things Jesus would love -- a giant fashion billboard on the side of a major Austrian cathedral?

6. Austrian Hair Glo: You have to love Viennese hairstyles.

7. Reach Out and Touch Someone: I'm not positive, but I think the Warsaw company's motto is "Talk to the hand!"

8. Where's the Toilet Paper?: Wow, I'm sure glad they put up a "pee only" sign because otherwise who knows what I might've done in that urinal.

9. Child's Play: I hate to critique fine art, but this looks like Renaissance-era child porn to me.

10. On the Hook for Mother Earth: No photo for this last oddity, but it's a crazy one. Just how eco-friendly are the Germans? Well, prostitution is legal there, and one brothel is promoting discounts for guys who arrive on bikes instead of in carbon-spewing cars. First, I'd like to clarify that I learned about this in the paper. Second, while I'm baffled that they'd want men showing up more sweaty than usual, I'm even more amazed by their market research. I'm no expert on German Johns, but I'm guessing your average tree-huggin', cruelty-free eatin', organic wearin', gay and female rights promotin' eco-activist doesn't frequent a whole lotta brothels. But hey, at least they're trying.