Go SXSW, Young Man: A Tonic Guide To South by Southwest

Of all the festivals that litter the entertainment landscape, SXSW seems to be the only one that has not lost it's way, despite it's ever-increasing popularity. As with any successful venture, initial prosperity begets greed, and greed begets commercialization, and commercialization is the spawning ground for the new middle class, a frightening hipster-yuppie hybrid that has been dubbed the "Yupsters." They can descend upon a city, rife with the cognitive dissonance of both loving it and hating themselves for doing so, and wreak havoc like a swarm of locusts sporting ironic facial hair.

Sundance, the one-time safe haven of independent filmmakers, has devolved into a swag playground and party stop for the likes of cinephiles Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. And, despite being only a decade old, the music festival Coachella has become a sea of skinny jeans, and tiny fedoras weaving and bobbing in unison to scores of bands that for all intents and purposes have already burst onto the music scene. It is an American Apparel ad gone decidedly wrong, and it seems as if the organizers are a check away from announcing Justin Bieber and Ke$ha as it's headliners.

Sadly, as the money, and commercial prestige rolled in, the credo of these former stalwarts of independent artistic expression has gradually degenerated into, "There is safety in numbers, but there is even more safety in playing it safe".

And that is why there is so much to love about SXSW, because it defies classification, and not only embraces it's commercial appeal, but it uses those aspects of it's popularity to educate as well as entertain. It is a music festival that moonlights as a film festival, a film festival disguised as a music festival, all the while focusing it's Texas-sized gaze on new talent, and informing those who attend with interactive conferences and sought-after guest speakers.

Last year's festival featured producer Quincy Jones as it's keynote speaker, and boasted performances by bands such as The Sonics, Crystal Method, Beach House, Peter Bjorn & John, and Primal Scream. The 2009 film division didn't do so poorly itself, screening 250 films, including a little war movie titled, The Hurt Locker, which was directed by an apparent flash in the female film-directing pan, Kathryn Bigelow.

Don't get us wrong, SXSW has enough corporate sponsorship to make Congress green with envy, but unlike the other festivals, it's not only come to terms with dancing with the Devil, it's decided that it's going to be the one to name the tune.

As we look over this year's schedule, it's apparent that to take in all that SXSW has to offer, you would have to clone yourself ten times over, and build a time machine, as well as some sort of teleportation device. We here at Tonic are all about bending the laws of physics, and achieving the improbable, but just in case you're short on time, and clones, here are some of our don't-miss picks:

Friday, March 12

12 p.m.: The morning is filled with corporate lounges, from the AOL Seed Lounge, to the Pepsi Refresh Cafe, to the SoBe Lizard Lounge, but if you're going to start your SXSW experience off with sponsorship why not wait until the Private Filmmakers Welcome Lunch Hosted by Tequila Don Julio? Filmmakers clawing for startup at a lunch hosted by a tequila company? It's either a recipe for disaster, or delight.

2 p.m.: Interactive panel: Dude, This is My Car! As long as the term "low carbon living" is involved, need we say more?

3:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel- Google in China: Context and Consequences

5 p.m.: Interactive Panel: How To Not Be A Douchebag At SXSWThe mere fact that this workshop exist sets SXSW apart from all other festivals. Should be required reading.

Saturday, March 13

9:30 p.m.: Come as You Are YogaDon't read too much into the free-spirited title, and don't show up naked.

11 p.m.: Film Screening: Equestrian Sexual ResponseThrow caution to the wind, and take in this indie film (directed by AFI graduate student, up-and-comer Zeke Hawkins) that focuses on a young girl coming to terms with her sexuality at her horse ranch home.

12:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel: A Conversation About Social Change Through Social MediaApparently Twitter does more to inform the public about your eating habits and subsequent bowl movements. Who knew?

2 p.m.: Film Panel: Blow Something Up! Live Action Special EffectsYou had me at, "blow something up..."

3:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel: Covering Big News on Small BudgetsIf you happen to attend, please send cliff notes back to us. We can't pay you, but...

6:30 p.m.: Documentary Film: The People vs. George LucasA, "balanced cultural examination of the conflicted dynamic between George Lucas and his fans." Whatever you do, do not wear your Jar Jar Binks costume.

11:30 p.m.: Film: Cannibal GirlsTuck yourself in with the Ivan Reitman classic horror spoof. What's not to love about flesh-eating women and Eugene Levy?

Sunday, March 14

9:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel: Story.Next — Narrating the CrowdBased on the premise that each one of us has an extraordinary story to tell, panelists will discuss with the audience the, "art of blending storytelling with social networking".

11:40 p.m.: Interactive Panel: How Nerds Can Foster Democracy in Local GovernmentWithout digging any deeper, here's hoping the panel consists of experts; Lewis, Gilbert, 'Booger', and 'The Ogre.'

12:30 p.m.: Film Panel: Hyperbole In Film Criticism & AnalysisWe think this is the greatest panel ever!!

3:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel: It's Time to Save the World with Design ThinkingTackling society's big problems with design thinking. Why not? At this point, we're open to just about anything.

4 p.m.: The SXSW Block PartyYou've worked a long and hard day-and-a-half. It's time to cut loose, and this is a glorified Austin TX. block party.

9 p.m.: PBS PartyPBS, NPR, Frontline? All at a margarita-fueled party at the legendary Austin City Limits Studio? Word on the street is that they give you a tote bag to throw up into of you drink too much.

Monday, March 15

12 p.m.: Film Screening: Successful AlcoholicsCrap, thought this one was an Interactive panel ... A guy can dream, can't he?

12:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel: Millionaire or Artist? How About Both?No sour grapes here, despite the fact that this edged out my proposed panel titled: Hobo or Public Indecency? How About Both?

3:30 p.m.: Interactive Panel: Be Your Own Boss: Create a Life You LoveJust be advised, unless you are a Masochist, this completely does away with the notion of "sticking it to the man".

9 p.m.: GeekyBeach PartyExactly what it sounds like. So much sand to kick into people's eyes, so little time.

Tuesday, March 16

10:30 p.m.: Interactive Book Reading: Journalism Next: Thriving in the Digital AgeAgain, if someone happens to pop there head in, and takes notes, feel free to send them our way....

11 p.m.: Film Screening: The Cow Who Wanted to Be a BurgerThe greatest animated short to tackle the incendiary topic of bovine seduction.

3:30 p.m.: Film Screening: Star Wars: Retold"An animated retelling of the original Star Wars trilogy, according to a girl who's never actually watched Star Wars. Her rendition, as pieced together from pop-culture references." Again, best to leave the Jar Jar costume at in the hotel room where it belongs.

9 p.m.: SXSW Film Closing/Music Opening Party hosted by VH1 and YouTubeNo one knows who is playing, but complimentary food and beverages make for a seamless transition from one medium to the next.

Wednesday, March 17

12 p.m.: Film & Music: The Passion of Joan of Arc (1928) with live score by In The NurseryOne of the greatest silent films ever made is scored live by twins Klive and Nigel Humberstone. Is this as close to a "nooner" as one can get without actually having sex.

2 p.m.: Music Panel: Green Touring: Stupid, Dumb, or Best Idea Ever?We'll go with the latter, and then insist that the panelists go back and do a refresher course of the hyperbole in media panel.

8 p.m.: Music Showcase: Melissa Auf der MaurNot only does she have a great name, but she survived being a member of two perpetually self-imploding bands, Hole, and The Smashing Pumpkins.

8p.m.: Music Showcase: Bastard Child Death CultBring the little ones!! It's never too early to teach them how to truly hate you as parents!

9 PM: Music Showcase: The Happy HollowsAn LA-based trio that exemplifies what the outskirts of SXSW are all about.

9:45 p.m.: Music Showcase: Sharon Jones and the Dap-KingsOne of those shows that if you miss it, you will either be kicking yourself years from now, or lying to people and telling them that you actually were there. A simultaneously seamless and gritty combination of gospel, soul, and funk.

11 p.m.: Music Showcase: We Were Promised JetpacksYoung, talented, Scottish, and a bit pissed off. Can you really go wrong?

Thursday, March 18

12 p.m.: Music Showcase: The WalkmenEven as the music world gets smaller, and smaller, why not celebrate a little bit of New York-born rock-and-roll?

3:30 p.m.: Music Panel: Music Publishing: Making Money in Your SleepThe real trick is not spending it before you've woken up.

7:25 p.m.: Music Showcase: Citizen CopeA brooklyn-based artist with a, "distinct musical approach, a laid back gumbo of acoustic blues, singer.songwriter rock 'n' roll, and deep soul grooves". Not to be missed.

Friday, March 19

12 p.m.: Film Screening: Taqwacore: The Birth of Punk IslamWho knew that there was a "nascent' Muslim punk rock movement in America? Apparently, these documentary filmmakers did.

2 p.m.: Music Panel: Jumping into the Kiddie Pool: Diving for Dollars by Playing for KidsJust check it out, and make sure that Bastard Child Death Cult hasn't tried to sneak in.

8 p.m.: Music Showcase: Cheap TrickRockford, Illinois' claim to rock 'n' roll fame. Catch them before it's too late...Seriously, before it is too late.

Saturday, March 20

11 p.m.: Music Panel: Music Law EthicsWho even knew that there was such a thing? It's like finding a class on Unicorns!

12:30 p.m.: Music Panel: Effecting Social Change via Music and TechnologyIf Tom Morello taught us anything, it was that as cool as it is to rant and wail against the establishment, it's even cooler to enact significant change. You can rage against the machine, but it's pissing in the wind unless you change the machine.

4:45 p.m.: Film Screening: Jean-Michel Basquiat: The Radiant ChildHis graffiti-styled art gave birth to a legion of increasingly annoying copycats, but his story is still a remarkable one.

9 p.m.: Film Screening: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and the hitRECord.org Spring Spectacular!The young actor has one to may last names, and this event looks to be hit-or-miss, but he made 500 Days of Summer more than bearable, so we'll give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sunday, March 21

Skip everything else, and sleep, child. You've earned it.

Photo by IFC-the-Internet via Flickr