Michael Showalter Recaps 'Project Runway'

Season 7 of Project Runway premiered last night before I even knew that Project Runway Season 6 had ended. This time they’re back in New York City! Thank gawd! But that’s not all. Models Of The Runway is back also. Now I have a second chance to not watch it again!

In the beginning of the show we meet our designers. There are sixteen of them. One-quarter young white women with bangs. One-quarter gay men with faux-hawks. Three black people, a woman in her 40s, a straight guy and a woman named Ping.

The designers are beckoned to Central Park and stand on a pathway with lots of fabric everywhere. I’m guessing that Mood, the fabric shop, was remodeling that day because there was no specific purpose for them to be in a park. Tim Gunn gives them three minutes to grab as much fabric as they can. A melee ensues. The big twist is that Tim tells the designers that they can only keep five types of fabric. One of the designers says that it will be difficult to decide which roll of fabric not to take with her and that "getting rid of fabric is like cutting off a leg." That seemed a little extreme to me.

In the straight-to-camera testimonial, the middle-aged straight guy in the Crips bandana says that he’s going to, "Shove his vision down the judge's throat."

The designers convene at the Parson’s workspace and we are subjected to a long segment of product placement: sewing room fully equipped with Brother sewing machines and HP Touchsmart workbooks. Tim says of the HP Touchsmarts, "This new technology will allow you to work in a creative and innovative way that’s greatly enhanced from a regular sketchbook." It sounds like he’s reading off a cue card.

The designers get to work. One of the young white women with bangs is from Portland and she cries a lot. Tim tells her that the pleated dress she’s making “puckers” too much. She cries.

Ping, "the unconventional one," eschews the body form and instead drapes the fabric on herself. The other designers raise their eyebrows disdainfully. This is a very unusual way of doing things and they suspect she "could go."

After surveying the designers progress, Tim worries that they’re moving too slowly and cries out, "Recalibrate your ambitions! Sew, cut, drape! Whatever you need to do to! Finish this!" It’s very tense.

Portland girl is crying again. She trashed the puckery dress and started over completely.

Emilio, from New York, might not finish. Tim tells him that no one has ever "not finished." Emilio is worried that he’ll lose. This means that he’ll win.

Anthony, "black, gay, from the ghetto," says that he’s "sweating like a Baptist preacher."

Tim comes back and talks us through some more product placement: Garnier hair-salon; Loreal make-up room; and Bluefly.com accessory wall..

The runway show begins. All the designers are having orgasms as their "garments" walk down the runway.

Nina says that clothes need to have "hanger appeal." Ping’s clothes don’t have hanger appeal. Bandana man’s clothes do have hanger appeal. He wins.

Michael Kors says that Jesus’ dress looks like, "A huge crocodile trunk exploded on an evening gown." Nina thinks the same model looks like, "a Hershey chocolate bar" (but not in a good way).

In the end, Emilio does win of course. A sweet young lady from Africa named Christiane gets the boot. She had "construction" problems.

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