Styx Founder Chuck Panozzo: Coming Out For AIDS Research

In the 1970s and '80s, most would assume Chuck Panozzo was on top of the world. He founded the band Styx with his twin brother John in Chicago. They had massive success with hits like "Lady," "Come Sail Away" and "Mr. Roboto." But Panozzo was living with a secret. In 2001, he announced that he was gay — and HIV positive.

Now, Panozzo is an advocate for gay civil rights and HIV awareness. Panozzo realizes that not everyone stricken with the disease has had the good fortune — and the money — that he’s had to treat it. That’s why he is using his celebrity to advocate for research into an AIDS vaccine that will be accessible to everyone. He’s partnering with biotech company GeoVax Labs to get the word out about a vaccine they are testing that’s currently in the second phase of human trials. He is also still playing with the band. He’s currently on tour with Styx alongside other '80s mega-bands Foreigner and Kansas. Here, Panozzo, 61, gives Tonic a first-hand account of growing up closeted, being a gay man in one of the biggest bands of the '80s and how his personal fight with HIV led him to be a champion for research.

'I have the best straight-boy job in the world. I just happen to be gay.' I always knew I was different ever since I was a very young boy. I had one day at school when I was about nine-years-old. I had a severely broken leg and it was in a huge cast. This nun comes up to me and she says, "Charles, there’s going to be a fire drill today and an 8th grade boy is going to come and carry you." I see this young man walking down and I think, "Why do those uniforms look so much better to me today than they ever did before?" He says, "Grab me by the neck so I don’t drop you." So I went, "Oh, okay." Afterwards, the nun says, "Charles, how did that go?" I said, "Sister, it went really well. Are we having another fire drill tomorrow?"

John and I started the band in 1961 when we were 12. We got a record deal 10 years later. It was just like being shot into the stratosphere. It was a very heady situation. All of a sudden, we have our own plane. We have more money than you could ever imagine in your life.

But then the band became bigger than me as a human being. It created a wall between me and myself. It wasn’t until after I became ill that I said, "I cannot live this lie anymore." In the '70s, I didn’t want to say anything because it wasn’t just my career that would be ruined but the other members of my band, so I had to be thoughtful about them, too. In that era, saying you’re gay out loud was committing social suicide. I came from an Italian parish and Catholic Church. You would be better being dead than gay, lets put it that way.

When I was 20 years old, I thought, "Everyone else is doing what they want to do. I’m a mature guy. I can make my own decisions." So I told my brother and sister when I was 20 that I was gay. My sister thought it was just a phase. John thought, "Well that's just Chuck." [With my band mates] I think by the time you’re 40 and you really haven’t been seen with a female, it’s like, "Duh. Something’s up here."

Living with HIV I started to lose weight. All the clothes were falling off me, so I started piling on clothes. I started to notice some spots on my body. I knew something was happening. [Guitarist] Tommy Shaw said, "I’m afraid I wont ever see you alive again." I said, "I know what you’re saying. I’m going to the doctor right now."

In 1991, I was diagnosed HIV positive. There was one New Year’s Eve when I was really sick and I was sitting in my apartment in Chicago in front of this beautiful lake and the city and surrounded by all these gold albums. And I thought, "None of these albums are going to walk off the walls and make your life better right now." There were moments there I was struggling to get out of bed. I was taking 30 pills a day. I went from 160 lbs. to 132 lbs. You get HIV but it’s those other things that come along with it. Every time someone coughed I thought, "Oh my God, now what am I going to get?"

But I kept taking the meds and one day the doctor walked in and says, "I’m so happy about these numbers." All of a sudden you realize there’s hope. That’s when I had to make a decision. I could either sit in that corner and say, 'Poor Chuck,' or I could take control. And control was doing the medication.

The Comeback and Coming Out

All I ever knew was music, [but] for a while I could no longer play. I wasn’t strong enough. I was having a hard time remembering stuff. I knew [music] was over until I got better. There was a challenge put in front of me.

In 2001, the band was doing two shows in Las Vegas, and I wanted to [make my comeback] where Elvis Presley made his comeback. So I’m standing at the side of the stage and suddenly somebody spots me and the audience starts going, "Chuck! Chuck! Chuck!" By the time I appear, the whole place is shouting my name. So we start the song and the whole band stops and they gather around, and they hug me. That’s when I knew I was back.

That same year, in front of a thousand people in Chicago as part of the Human Rights Campaign’s Coming Out Day, with my family and friends there, I announced that I was gay and HIV positive. I think my decision to out myself then was the right time for me. Had I done it years before, I would have had to quit the band.

Advocating for An Affordable Solution I know a lot of guys who have no money for medication. It’s tragic. If I didn’t have insurance, my medical bills would be way over $50,000 a year. How about those people who don’t have insurance? How about those people who make $1,200 dollars a month? These are the people I think about. I’m fortunate, and for me not to share that with other people and make it better is an error.

What I like about [the biotech company] Geovax, is if everything goes right, the vaccine will be inexpensive. Research is the key to everything. There are going to be breakthroughs, but it might not be tomorrow. It might not be two years from now. But it’s going to come. I think it’s very important for me to talk about because you have to have hope.

I’m in a very good place now. I feel healthier than I have before. The band has been working with me. I have a partner, Tim. He’s a painter and he is also HIV positive. It’s always good to have someone who understands you. He’s very aware of what I do. He’s come out a few times but he’s not really road-worthy so I want to make sure he takes care of himself and continues to paint. It’s a nice thing to share a life with someone.

Photos courtesy Investor Relations Group and ChuckPanozzo.com.