Ethan Zohn Interviews the Iconic 'Survivor' Buff

A Survivor Buff is that colorful, multi-functional, tubular piece of stretch fabric you see all the contestants wearing someplace on their body. Jeff Probst, the host of the show, separates the tribes using different Buff colors and the Buff design has changed for every season, making the Buff an iconic piece of Survivor history. Well, I have some incredible news. Today is monumental day for me and the entire Survivor community. I finally had the opportunity to sit down and chat with the original Buff made famous on the first season. I have to admit, Buff is a really cool dude who has been stretched through many highs and lows over the past 10 years. Here is an excerpt from our lunch together: EZ: You are a very private person and have never been interviewed, why have you chosen to speak with Tonic?

BUFF: (In a thick Spanish accent) For so long I have had no voice so I’m very grateful for this opportunity to speak out on behalf of the entire Buff family. I’m often confused with a do-rag, bandanna and headband, but I’m really my own proud species. In America, the Survivor show has made me famous for 10 years now, and I want to thank all my fans for watching the show and buying me.

EZ: Tell me a little about yourself.

BUFF: I was "born" in 1992 in Spain, so I was around long before the start of this crazy reality show. I hate bragging about myself, but I’m impressive because I can be worn in loads of different ways: as a scarf, cap, headscarf, facemask, balaclava, headband, wristband...and as many other ways as you can think up. I can count more than twelve. Sports are my passion including cycling, skiing, playing tennis, running and going by motorbike.

EZ: What’s it like to be stretched over so many different body parts like when Tyson wears you as a skirt?

BUFF: At first I thought it would be fun, but over time it began to hurt like hell. Have you seen the size of Danielle’s boobs? As the game progresses to day 36,37,38, it becomes much more easy because everyone is losing so much weight. To be wrapped around Big Tom’s ass is not so bad. LOL. EZ: Do you think Rupert is really a pirate and would you let him wear you as any eye patch?

BUFF: Of course he is. In fact, they are filming Pirates of Samoa IV and Rupert packed me in his left pocket. I have been reading in the chat rooms that he could be the product of great editing and he should be on the Villain’s tribe with that rat Boston Rob. I’d like to show him what real endurance and durability looks like in a man. I can’t believe he used me to wipe tears. Silly muchacho. EZ: What was your favorite season’s design?

BUFF: That is a tough question, they are all fantastic. I like the Survivor Thailand with the elephant.  Micronesia made me look muy ugly, however it was tough to see when I got dirty because is was brown already. China was cool because there was actual Chinese writing on me. When translated it means “most boring season.”

EZ: Do you have any regrets?

BUFF: A dios mio, you had to ask. In all honesty, I felt like a complete moron when Coach was leading the Dragon Slayer Chi last night. I was embarrassed to be a part of that. Not one of them could slay a dragon. I have seen muchos dragons and they are fierce. Only Phil Koeghan could destroy a dragon. And looked what happened, Russell found the hidden immunity idol as they were praying to the sky.  Brilliant. Plus, there is only one G-d, and his name is Mark Burnett. EZ: Thoughts on Jeff Probst? You have known him for a long time right?

BUFF: Ahhh … Senior Probst. Where do I start? I can tell you stories of Borneo when we were young and in our prime. He was a wild man. It is strange because we are so close, yet he has never worn me.  His lovers spat with Colby over bits of chocolate made me shrink with laughter. EZ: Who do you think will win Heroes vs. Villains?

BUFF: It not matter much to me because I win either way. There is nothing better than the feeling of being wrapped around the head, neck, shin or bicep of a contestant who has just won 1 million dollars.  Having said that, I want a Hero to win...but I’m no rookie, underneath me, the buff, everyone is a Villain.

Photos courtesy of Ethan Zohn and Buff.