'Survivor' Super Powers

I have been granted special access to Black Rock Caves, the high-level top-secret tertiary location used only by Captain Burnett and his side kick, Special Agent MoonVes. Reporting live via smart phone, I have just uncovered the data files outlining detailed plans to change the face of Survivor Heroes vs. Villains for eternity.

In an unparalleled move executed by Captain Burnett and Agent MoonVes, a select number of super powers have been granted to contestants, and could greatly impact their ability to perform during this game of 'Survivor.'

I was able to quickly snap a picture of the list and translate it to English. This is what I found...The Power of Benjamin Button – Tom. So he can start aging in reverse and bond with the young ones.

The Power to See in the Dark - Coach. So he can actually see while his head is lodged so far up Boston Rob’s butt.

The Power to Make Yourself Invisible – Russell. So he can look for the idol without anyone knowing … and sneak up on Parvati while she is changing her clothes.

The Power to Make Yourself Visible – Courtney. Just so there is proof she is actually on the show.

The Money Shot Power – The entire Survivor camera crew. This is more like a thank you for all the wonderful cinematography of Danielle during the slip and slide reward challenge.

The Power to Read Minds – Cirie. Oops too late for that.

The Power to Heal Others – Tyson. With his gentile hugging embrace, he is able to heal the “Crybabyitis” that is rapidly spreading around the Villains camp.

The Power to Cougar – Jerri. So she can run fast and engulf her prey, like the cougar she is.

The Power to Mute – America. A gift to my fellow Survivor fans so they so they can silence the roars of Rupert.

Screengrab alloexpat.com.