Want more? Desire less. Not exactly the message coming at us everyday, but maybe one we need now more than ever.
Over a year-and-a-half ago Cami Walker’s life was falling apart: She was suffering with Multiple Sclerosis (MS), broke, unable to work, fighting with her husband and adjusting to a recent move to Los Angeles (read: she had no friends). In her own words, “I was a selfish, resentful woman.”
Then one day she called her spiritual teacher Mbali Creazzo. “She very bluntly interrupted my whining that day and said, ‘I think you need to stop thinking about yourself.’ And I was like, ‘OK!’ And that’s when she gave me the suggestion to give away 29 gifts in 29 days,” explains Cami.
But like any good self-pitying gal, Cami stewed a little longer. “It took me a month or two before I actually decided to do it. Things got worse and I finally got desperate to the point where I was like, ‘I’m just gonna try this; it can’t hurt me,’” she said. The changes were profound.
“That first day, when I decided to give my first gift, things started turning around immediately. I was pretty amazed at day one. It blew my mind how within this 29-day period there was money coming in and I was feeling healthy enough to work part-time. My MS wasn’t cured, but I was figuring out better ways to cope with my illness. I started to connect with people — because I was actually talking to them. And almost a year later my husband and I get along great. Our relationship is leaps and bounds better,” she said.
Mbali’s prescription has been infectious. About halfway through her first cycle of giving Cami decided to share what had been so helpful to her. “I’d been a blogger for years, so I thought, ‘I’ll just pop up a quick site and send out an email to my closest friends, tell them how much it’s helped me, and see what happens,’” explained Cami.
Two weeks later the site, 29gifts.org had over 150 members. Walker attributes the site’s viral growth to word-of-mouth and bloggers like Brit Bravo of HaveFunDoGood.com.
But we’re not talking lavish gestures here. The gifts can be as simple as picking up the phone. “My first gift was a phone call to a friend — just a supportive call. Seeing how she was, to say hello. She also has MS. I wanted to reach out,” said Cami. Real rewards are born of connecting with another. Some of Cami’s favorite “gives” have taken place during what she calls a “flower power” give, when, alone or with others, she hands out roses to strangers.
I gave a rose to an older Russian man, there was a language barrier. He didn’t understand that I was giving it to him for free. And he kept saying, ‘Nyet, nyet.’ And I kept telling him it was free. Finally he got it and took the flower from me. And he actually started to cry. He had tears in his eyes and kept saying, ‘This is so nice, so nice. No one do something nice.’ It really showed me how you can have a real meaningful connection with someone you don’t know when you’re giving them something. I don’t know what difference it makes to that man long-term, but I know I’ll never forget it.
Today, the Giving Community, as its been named, is 3,764 members large. Walker hopes to have 29,000 members registered by Sept. 29, 2009 — an ambitious goal for such a self-serving crowd. In recent decades we’ve become so obsessed with self-empowerment and self-sufficiency that not only do we rarely think about helping others, we’re caught off guard when we’re asked to freely receive. (Somewhat counterintuitive for people who want, want, want.) Cami elaborated, “There are people who are just baffled by the idea that someone is offering them a free flower. And some people are so resistant that they say ‘no’ before I can really even offer it to them.”
Walker chalks this up to a breakdown in the tribal community system. But sensibilities seem to be shifting. Whether fueled by changes in the political climate or unprecedented economic lows, we’re slowly but surely grasping the concept of community. Hell, even the Masters of the Universe asked for a little assistance. “I’m realizing I need other people and I need to be present so I can help. I think there’s a shift going on. We’re a little less self-centered,” explained Walker with a certain sense of hope.
Whatever this thing is shaping up to be, it’s got legs. Walker’s already struck a book deal with a fall 2009 release date. The memoir will document the creation of the movement and detail the experience of her first 29 gifts. The book will also feature a collection of essays from other community members, as well as a journal in the back of the book to help readers with their own 29-day Challenge.
Although she set the ball rolling, Cami alone cannot maintain the site and its continually developing facets. “I really have only between two and four productive hours a day. If it weren’t for my husband and the team of 16 volunteers, and the woman who acts as our community manager, there is no way I could manage on my own.”
And seemingly, giving begets giving. The site’s members helped raise over $10,000 for a fellow giver, Elysia Skye, a young woman who needed a cancer surgery not covered by her health insurance. Since then, the site features a different cause each month.
Cami’s “happy accident,” as she calls it, and the burgeoning Giving Community might very well be the remedy for the ways in which we’ve been truly failing one another. So, while flashing a stranger a smile, giving your shrink a potted plant, calling your 90-year-old nagging aunt, or buying a homeless man lunch may not solve all the world’s problems, it may at the very least, help you forget about your own for a little while.
