Last night’s The Bachelorette was set in the picturesque city of Lisbon, Portugal. There were five guys, four dates and plenty of castles. In fact, every date revolved around fairytale magic. Roberto’s date clue was “Come be the king of my castle.” Frank and Ty flew in a helicopter (Ali Fedotowsky evidently is over her fear of flying!) to Vila de Obidos, a castle given to a queen by her husband. Kirk’s date card read, “Once upon a time,” and Chris L.’s vineyard date had a happy ending.
It only seemed right to compare the remaining five bachelors — and the bachelorette — to royalty. They’ve been figuratively jousting for her love since day one and the competition keeps getting fiercer. Who will be her Prince Charming and which ones will simply be toads? We’ve got two more episodes to go, and our eyes are on Prince Eric — um, we mean Chris L. — well, you’ll see what we mean below.
Roberto as Prince. Roberto’s tall, dark and handsome. Prince is short, dark and handsome. Minus the height difference, the comparison of Roberto to Prince is pretty dead-on. They’ve both won the hearts of blondes — Roberto, Ali and Prince, Kim Basinger — and they can both belt some rockin’ tunes. Fedotowsky seems to be under Roberto’s spell, so we think she should follow Prince’s command: “I just want your extra time and your bah, bah, bah, bah, bah kiss!”
Chris L. as Prince Eric. “I lost her once! I’m not going to lose her again!” Prince Eric exclaimed when the sea witch Ursula took Ariel below the foamy brine and, almost, to her death. But the expert sailor drove the ship’s bow straight into Ursula’s heart, killing her instantly and breaking her power over the little mermaid. Chris L. admitted that he needed to open up more to Fedotowsky this episode and he almost lost the girl. “Chris was going a little slow on the scooter — sort of like our relationship,” the bachelorette admitted to the cameras on their date. But he talked more about his deceased mom and got a rose at the end of the night. Next week, he’ll be taking Fedotowsky to meet his family in Cape Cod. We just hope the lobsters they eat don’t walk off their plates like in the Disney version.
Frank as the Beast. They’re both ferociously intense and oddly obsessed with roses. The Beast may have more body hair, but Frank wins the competition for weirdest bachelor. When Roberto received the first date card, he immediately grimaced and said, “What if she just throws you in the dungeon?” Awkward. Frank needs the help of a Mrs. Potts-type character to soften his edges, and he’ll be taking Fedotowsky home next weekend, so maybe mom and dad will ease some of the bachelorette’s worries.
Kirk as Westley. Both the Wisconsin native and the farmhand who vies for Princess Buttercup’s hand have been through a lot. Their rough experiences have also made the two men good with words. Our hearts nearly melted when we heard Kirk’s monologue: “I’m not falling in love with the idea of you. I’m not falling for the concept of love. It’s because I genuinely care about you. Here’s the thing. I didn’t completely know who I was until I got sick, and I had to put my life into perspective. And I really didn’t think that I was good enough to deserve the people that I was with. And I know more than ever that I am deserving of love, and I am deserving of you and I am deserving of happiness. It’s weird that my heart’s open, and I feel like I deserve this.” In retrospect, maybe it was more of a Dr. Phil moment, but at the time, Kirk tugged at our heartstrings just like Mr. “As you wish” did in The Princess Bride. Evidently it worked, because Kirk has advanced to the next round.
Ty as Prince Charles. We’ve mixed fictional princes with real-life royalty, and we couldn’t help but see the similarities between Tennessean Ty and Princess Diana‘s ex. They both sport the big ears, and they both divorced modern women for more traditional females. Ty ended up going home last night and did not receive a rose. “I’m pissed off because she made a wrong choice, and I hope she realizes that,” Ty said of Fedotowsky. Similarly, Prince Charles may be 
disappointed and never become King Charles. His mother celebrated her 84th birthday this year and shows no signs of dying or throne abdication anytime soon.
Ali as Grace Kelly. They’re both beautiful and romantic. Although she swears she’ll go back to working as an advertising executive, our feelings are that Fedotowsky has found her calling as an actress. “Life may not be a fairytale, but love can be,” the bachelorette said. We hope that like Kelly, she’ll become an American style icon and Hollywood royalty.
And remember, folks, The Bachelorette is more than just a pretty face. Fedotowsky and her many men posed for a charity calendar that benefits Global Green USA and the Oceanic Preservation Society. Order yours here.
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Photo1 by Mercedes.. Life as I pictured via Flickr, photo 2 by PR Photos, photos 3 and 4 courtesy of the Walt Disney Company, photo 5 by Clinton Steeds via Flickr, photo 6 by Frankinho via Flickr, photo 7 by carmendy via Flickr.