This “footy” thing is suddenly starting to make sense.
Don’t get me wrong, as a casual soccer fan this World Cup has proved to be a tumultuous time, filled with vulvuzela-induced nightmares, mind-boggling officiating, and having to watch world class athletes flop to the pitch in a manner that can only be described as equal parts Telenova and Shakespeare, with a little Buster Keaton thrown in for good measure. Even the official World Cup ball has behavioral issues (Note to self and Adidas: Being too perfect may be detrimental to both social status and aerodynamics).
On top of it all, I’ve had to adjust my sports-related alcohol consumption to accommodate matches occurring during early morning hours that I didn’t even know existed. Now that I have borne witness to the once-mythical 7 a.m., I’m open to the existence of centaurs and unicorns as well.
I would like to take this time to apologize to my immediate neighbors (one of whom I actually mistook as a unicorn) and those family members and ex-girlfriends that have since blocked both my phone calls and emails.
Things got Messi.
To further complicate things, what little borrowed knowledge I was regurgitating to impress friends and colleagues (read as: my dogs) has been rendered utterly useless. Soccer Superpowers are dropping like French flies. England claims to have invented football and, in an odd tribute, it looked as if they fielded their creaky team with some of the sports founding fathers. Defending champ Italy bowed out early, the United States revisited getting bounced by Ghana, and the French team so thoroughly disgraced their country they were forced to fly home in the plane’s luggage compartment.
Lost in all the din and discord is the fact that the World Cup is a sporting event that strives to be the embodiment of global unity and harmony — a stage on which greatness and grace are celebrated over nationalistic pride.
Thanks to the noble efforts of one brave young woman, American football fans, nay, football fans across the globe, can still rally behind the good old red, white, and blue … of Paraguay.
24-year-old lingerie model, and rabid supporter of the Paraguay squad, Larissa Riquelme has captivated cameras and gained a level of worldwide fame with her enthusiastic support of her home team, as well as her barely-there outfits and her curious placement of the world’s luckiest cellular device (see above).
When Paraguay opened their World Cup by tying with a bewildered Italy, Riquelme and her cups were there.
When Paraguay proved to be the surprise winner of their group, and then went on to beat Japan on penalty kicks, Riquelme showed her fervent devotion to the cause, promising to the world that if Paraguay took home the gold trophy, then she would run naked through the streets of its capital city, her Netherlands covered only by red and blue body paint.
Though it is estimated that -3 percent of the American population can locate Paraguay on a world map (it’s a neighbor of Argentina, but no one wants to see Maradona naked), this country, known as “Corazon de America” suddenly finds itself the darling of the soccer world. As the ranks of disappointed football fans grow with each elimination match, the number of Paraguay supporters swell, and heave, not only because of the inspired play of their team, but because of one comely fan who is willing to cast pride aside and wear her heart on her … well, on her nothing.
Photo via India News.