If you caught the tail-end of last night’s show, you already know two of the top three final contestants. The producers revealed (in previews) that Frank and Roberto take Ali Fedotowsky on home dates and that Ty is with her in Tahiti, the island nation where a proposal may or may not happen. That’s all well and good, but here’s what we, at Tonic, hope to see in the remaining three episodes.
An M. Night Shyamalan Approach to Scripts. We don’t know M. personally, but if Entourage is any testament, the filmmaker knows how to keep it under wraps. In one episode, Shyamalan met Ari Gold in a cemetery to give him a draft of his script because he didn’t trust messengers. That kind of secrecy should be untapped at The Bachelorette because Monday’s unveiling that Rated R — ahem, we mean Justin — had not one, but two girlfriends back in Canada, wasn’t much of a shock since we read it on RealitySteve.com on May 11. Maybe that’s why they started the episode off with “the betrayal” instead of building up dramatic effect. Might as well get it over with; everyone already knows. But that’s not the only spoiler we read. We won’t reveal it here, but let’s just say what the ABC producers showed on last night’s previews might not necessarily happen. Oh the drama!- An Indecent Proposal. When Fedotowsky gets her three guys alone in Tahiti, we’d like her to take charge. She told Ty last night that “Traditional is the last thing I’d use to describe myself,” so why wait for the man to pop the question? We’re banking on the bachelorette to wear a short dress in the finale, so she can get down on one knee easily.
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Guest Starring Lance Armstrong. We’re only down to five remaining bachelors and at least one (that we saw) sported the instantly recognizable, yellow wristband. We’ve been pointing out every week that those wearing yellow advance, and Roberto has made it through yet another rose ceremony. The Tour de France begins July 3 and Armstrong says it will be his last, so why not guest star on The Bachelorette and start his reality TV career? The timing couldn’t be more perfect. - More Reality on Reality Television. Fedotowsky, quit whining about how you gave up everything to be here. Sure, you moved out of your apartment and into a mansion and you left your advertising job at Facebook for a star-studded entertainment career — wait, that sounds like an upgrade to us! Admit it, you came on this show for fame as much as Rated R/Justin. If you got a husband out of the deal? Bonus! The guys have already come clean. Ty admitted on national television that his previous marriage ended in divorce because he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that his wife worked and didn’t have supper on the table when he came home every night. The least the bachelorette could do is fess up to the fact that her future looks bright — with or without a ring.
- Weird Portuguese Traditions. On last night’s episode, we saw the guys fight professional, Turkish, olive oil wrestlers. No, we’re not kidding. The guys were half-naked, lathered in olive oil, trying to pin one another’s backs to the ground. Next week, the crew travels to Lisbon, Portugal, so we’re hoping to see some unusual stuff like the wedding dance that seems to be a bizarre relative to the American Chicken Dance.
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Guest Starring And remember, folks, The Bachelorette is more than just a pretty face. Fedotowsky and her many men posed for a charity calendar that benefits Global Green USA and the Oceanic Preservation Society. Order yours here.
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Photos by PR Photos.