Last night’s episode of The Bachelorette accomplished two things: One, the anticipation of which bachelor dumped Ali Fedotowsky in Tahiti ended (Frank), and two, Le Taha’a Island Resort & Spa scored big with viewers, as it’s topped Google searches all morning. Can you guess where the majority of 2011 honeymoons will take place?
If you missed it, here’s a quick recap. Fedotowsky went on dates with both Chris and Roberto, and both ended with cameras-off evenings in the “fantasy suite.” Funny how the bachelorette gasped like she’d never seen the lodge before to Chris, when she had been bumping uglies with Roberto in the same room the night before. Just sayin’.
Back in Chicago, Frank visits his ex-girlfriend Nicole to see if his unrequited feelings were returned. They were. And the cameras were on during the makeup, which makes this reviewer wonder if Nicole is itching for a reality TV show of her own. Frank goes to Tahiti to break Fedotowsky’s heart in front of a nationwide audience, and Fedotowsky moves on to her remaining two bachelors: Roberto and Chris. See, not that exciting.
What I did find thrilling was the saying “No man is an island.” But I think they are. Indulge my thought process here as I compare each of our bachelors to various isles.
Frank as The World
He’s sure as heck not Fedotowsky’s world anymore, but I could see Frank as Dubai‘s The World, or as I like to call them, fake islands made to resemble the miniature countries.
After he told the cameras, “I’m supposed to go to Tahiti and have an incredibly romantic relationship with Ali, but I’m not ready to do that,” Frank met up with ex Nicole.
She said, “Without you, I’m just not happy. It’s sick … I never thought somebody would actually complete somebody. You need to come home.” And he did. But not before he flew to Tahiti to tell the bachelorette in person.
“I just think it’s so selfish of you to have done this,” Fedotowsky cried. “I gave up everything to come here.”
“I gave up everything to come here too!” Frank exclaimed.
“Apparently, not everything.” she replied.
Oooh, burn! So, yes, Frank is like this entirely engineered archipelago in the Arabian Gulf. He’s a phony, but a nostalgic one, always dreaming of back home. My suggestion is if he missed it that much, he could’ve taken Fedotowsky to the United States island. At least on that stretch of land, Nicole wouldn’t be present.
Roberto as Ilha Grande
Just off the coast from Rio de Janeiro is the “Big Island.” Like Roberto, it’s sensuous and romantic, but it’s close enough to the samba capital of the world for endless nights of dancing.
“Our physical chemistry is intense,” Fedotowsky cooed of Roberto.
“I feel like proposing is right around the corner,” Roberto told the cameras.
And to the bachelorette, he revealed, “I’m falling in love with you, and I just wanted you to know that.”
Their date together did, indeed, set the mood: a helicopter ride to a private, heart-shaped island and a key to the fantasy suite.
Chris as Nantucket
Of course, I would pin Chris as an island off the coast of his hometown of Cape Cod, Mass. He’s the all-American boy, and Nantucket is filled with Americana. I mean, Ben Franklin‘s mother was born here! Fedotowsky also hails from the state.
“How is [Tahiti] on the same planet as Massachusetts?” the bachelorette exclaimed as they rode the seas on the poshest catamaran I’ve ever seen.
“Whenever the two of us are together, I feel like [I'm] 12,” Chris said. “We joke, we laugh, we enjoy our time. Just in the moment.”
They even discover pearls in oysters that the producers planted along the beach. What? I mean, those were wild mollusks.
“That, to me, is the sort of love I’m looking for,” Fedotowsky said of Chris. “Love where it’s romantic and passionate and you want to be together … but you’re still best buddies.”
Their date also ended in the fantasy suite with Chris whispering in her ear, “God, I love you!”
Next week, the bachelors will tell all to host Chris Harrison, and from the looks of the previews, a few of the castoffs have found homes in ABC‘s upcoming show The Bachelor Pad.
And remember, folks, The Bachelorette is more than just a pretty face. Fedotowsky and her many men posed for a charity calendar that benefits Global Green USA and the Oceanic Preservation Society. Order yours here.
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Photo 1 by tiarescott via Flickr; Photos 2, 4 and 5 by Rick Rowell via ABC; Photo 3 by Heidi Hutman via ABC.