When I was nine years old, I watched Jaws for the first time while at my Aunt’s house. “Watched” may be a stretch, as I spent that summer afternoon peeking out from underneath the safety of a blanket on the sofa, but from what I did manage to see, I came to the firm conclusion that sharks were everywhere, and would strike without warning.
As far as I was concerned, any body of water posed the potential for sudden, vicious attack, and my imagination had sharks waiting behind underwater gates at the public pool or in pipes leading to the toilet. But as much as I feared the places that sharks could be lurking, I also developed a fascination for these creatures that had so mastered evolution — they quit like a bad habit over 100 million years ago.
Like all great love affairs born from abject fear, I was left wanting more, until I came across The Discovery Channel’s Shark Week. Every summer since, I revisit my childhood from underneath a blanket on the couch, as the outside world stops, the Tivo gets cleaned out and a week devoted to the toothy predators takes hold.
There may be too many reasons to love Shark Week to fit onto one list, but we’ve done our best to narrow it down to that other vehicle of basic cable, the top ten list.
1.Knowledge is Power- When all is said and done, as fearsome as most shark species can be, they are an irreplaceable part of the marine ecosystem, and the sad fact is that they’re being fished and hunted to extinction. Beyond the hair-raising stories and videos that drive the programming, Shark Week’s ultimate goal is to bring much-needed attention to the plight of these wonders of evolution. Sign this petition to help save the sharks.
2. Great Advertising- We’re not talking about the shark-man billboards, or the nightmare-inducing commercials, we’re talking about the media hungry Great Whites that are flocking to the East Coast, causing beach closures and essentially giving everyone the willies. Screw AMC’s Mad Men, that’s real passion for advertising.
3. This year’s Shark Week Host is Craig Ferguson- While there are other late night talk show hosts we would rather see swim with man eaters, the irreverent host of the The Late Late Show somehow seems a perfect fit. Better still, his segment led into a program called Shark Bites: Adventures in Shark Week, which features first-person accounts from shark attack survivors. I made it past the top two before shutting down my computer as if my girlfriend had walked in on me watching porn.
4. It’s a week, while most celebrations last just a day- Independence Day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, Christmas?! Sharks get their due and reign over an entire week. Best part about the week-long celebration? So little is still known about the 440 different shark species that it could easily be Shark Month.
5. Platypus Week doesn’t have the same ring to it- Listen, there are other predators out there, other fascinating members of the animal kingdom, but nobody can match the combination of fear and fascination that a shark elicits.
6. The Shark Week Drinking Game- Not that we advocate imbibing during the day, but after twenty-two years, just about any program can be turned into a drinking game. Take a drink every time you hear the phrase “apex predator,” take a shot every time you are forced to look away from a video of an actual shark attack. Later convince a judge that it was “justifiable public indecency” after you’re arrested in a 7-11 wearing just a snorkel, arm floaties and your underwear.
7. Two words: “Air Jaws” – Throw on an adult diaper and watch the video.
8. It’s a money saver- Do the math, you spend a week inside your house, barely eating, never bathing and it will likely be months until you feel sand beneath your toes again. You’ve just saved a small fortune on suntan lotion alone.
9. Robert Shaw- “The Indianapolis” speech from Jaws…. (shudder)
10. It only comes once a year- It may be the Discovery Channel’s version of ratings steroids, but thankfully the powers that be have a keen understanding that this is something the viewing audience can only handle once per year. So, strap yourself in, better yet, dive in, but remember most shark attacks occur in less than three feet of water.
Photo by hermanusbackpackers via Flickr.