As a firsthand witness to the horror and wonder that is the Vuvuzela, Ethan Zohn offers 10 ways to employ this unusual instrument — without impairing your hearing.
1. It’s the ultimate beer funnel.
2. Collect 10 Vuvuzela’s, turn them upside down and start bowling.
3. They’d work lovely as a vase. I’m thinking long stem roses.
4. If the Jews ever lose the Shofar during Yom Kippur, the Vuvuzela is a solid back up. Re-name it the Jewjewzela.
5. An all natural way to eliminate wrinkles. Major lip control, tightening of the cheeks and and extreme facial contortion is good exercise to firm up that saggy skin.
6. Communicating with whales has never been so easy.
7. Summer time in the USA can mean only one thing, BBQ’s and whiffle ball. The Vuvuzela makes a great bat. If you can toot the horn and hit the ball it’s an automatic grand slam.
8. Use the constant buzzing for the soundtrack for the new film The Birds and The Bee’s Visit South Africa.
9. Include it for free in “The Louie Armstrong Starter Kit.”
10. Bring the Vuvuzela to New York City Fashion Week and re-vive the Madonna Style Bra phenomenon.
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Photo courtesy of Ethan Zohn.