There must be something in the water in Vancouver. Why else would so many people at the Winter Olympics make such strange trouser-related decisions?
A rash of unusual bottom-half fashion is circulating through the ranks of athletes, inspiring a record amount of commentary about … well, pants. Never before has an Olympic Games included so much pants-based discussion.
This question, for instance, pops to mind: Was Azerbaijan’s team (right) hoping for a gold medal in creativity for their choice of opening-ceremony gear? If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a million times: Pants that look like a child scribbled on them with a set of markers do not belong on the world stage.
Or this: Does the US snowboarding team (left) really think they’re going to fool everybody into believing they’re so cool that they just pull on their favorite pair of jeans to ride in the Olympics? Clothes designed to look like other types of clothes have everyone riding fakey.
Speaking of snowboarding, there’s also this question, suggested by the snarky comments of US rider Nate Holland: Is snowboarding still snowboarding if people — like, for instance, the Canadian team — show their “emo” colors by sporting tight(ish) pants?
So while many in the press are calling these Olympics “the worst ever” because of the technical faux pas that have embarrassed the organizers several times so far, I have another name to offer: “The Olympics of the Silly Pants.”
Perhaps these teams are making calculated sporting decisions with their fashion choices. It reminds me of an exchange from the movie Catch Me If You Can:
Father: You know why the Yankees always win, Frank?
Son: ‘Cause they have Mickey Mantle?
Father: No, it’s ’cause the other teams can’t stop staring at those damn pinstripes.
Regardless of whether it’s a strategy, a way of having a little fun or a means of expressing national pride (as is the case with Bermuda (right) — hello knees!), it’s safe to say that never before has the world gone so crazy for silly pants.
Here’s a sampling of some other remarkable Olympic bottoms:
Fashion gold does go to the Norwegian men’s curling team for the bold choice of red-gray-and-blue argyle (left) in a staid sport dominated by black and khaki. It’s hard to look sharp while brushing furiously at the ice with a tiny broom, but these guys have managed it.
Another opening-ceremony eye-opener was the Czech Republic (below), whose pants resembled the geometric abstract art you find hanging in your dentist’s office.
And of course it’s impossible to speak about kooky pant choices without giving figure skaters their due. While skaters are practically required to wiggle into unusual get-ups for competition, there are always those stand-out uniforms that boggle the mind.
Exhibit A is Switzerland’s Anais Morand and Antoine Dorsaz who twirled through the pairs free program in bizarre Burberry-plaid pseudo-overall costumes.
And speaking of skaters in overalls, let’s not forget Italy’s Samuel Contesti, who took to the ice for his short program in dingy, blue overalls hitched by one strap over a plaid shirt, looking for all the world like a farmer who’d just slopped a pig pen.
While the quest for gold remains the most captivating thing about this or any Olympics, the competition for fashion fame (or infamy) is a close second. What I’d like to see is a final medal ceremony at the very end: The Pants Prize. The Norwegian curlers have the gold so far in my estimation, but with a week to go, a lot of athletes are still waiting to beat the pants off of their competition.
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Photos: Azerbaijan, Bermuda and Czech Republic by subactive_photo via Flickr, US Snowboard screenshot by sierrasnowboard via YouTube, Norway curling pants by kennymatic via Flickr.